


Sinking and Swimming

by cuddleefuddlee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Japanese National Team, M/M, Post-Time Skip, i just think these two are neat, soft bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28457259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddleefuddlee/pseuds/cuddleefuddlee
Summary: He glances toward the crowd, searching for pewter eyes and silver hair.
Relationships: Ojiro Aran/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21
Collections: Aran Ship Week 2020





	Sinking and Swimming

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a simple lady. i see aran ship week, i write soft boys in love. this fic us a late entry for **day four, comfort!** and while this fic caters to my very niche pairing, i hope you all enjoy it!!

There’s still a part of Aran that whispers his insecurities to him the moment before he steps onto the court; a teenaged habit that he never quite learned to shed through all the years. He knows that he deserves to be here on the national stage, knows that he worked hard to get this far, knows that his teammates depend on him, knows that there's a face in the crowd that cheers him on no matter what. 

He glances toward the crowd, searching for pewter eyes and silver hair. It’s only when he catches Koushi in a red jersey and grinning right at him does Aran feel his nerves wash away. 

They’ve been doing this for years now; a little game they play ever since Koushi found out about what goes through Arans head before a game. He can’t help but feel comforted by the ritual every time they do it. 

___________________________

It doesn’t take long for Koushi to notice that something is off the first time it happens. 

Aran has always been good at hiding behind a mask whenever his thoughts tried to swallow him. In high school, he was able to mask them by concentrating on the twins and their antics; claiming that he looked worried because he was the only one besides Kita that they actually listened to when they got into fights. He’s thankful that Kita’s the only one who ever saw through it; never questioning why, but always letting Aran lay his head in his lap and listening when it got to be too much for him to handle. 

The two of them are similar in that aspect - both letting him rest his head in their laps like he’s a child and not taller than them. It’s something that has never been lost on him. But, that’s as far as the similarities go. 

The moment Koushis eyes caught onto Arans while out to lunch with their respective best friends, he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape them. All it took was a simple question and smile for him to allow Koushi a peek at the man behind the curtain. 

“Hey.” 

Aran blinks once, twice, a third time before turning towards the voice next to him. He hadn’t even realized he was staring at his glass of water for the last couple of minutes instead of being involved in the conversation. There’s a smile on the others face that says he won’t say anything to the other two they’re with. He opens his mouth, but his body is working faster than his brain so nothing comes out. 

“Want to get some air?” 

The silver-haired man is already sliding out of his seat by the time his brain speeds up to realize what’s happening. Koushi lets the other pair know they’ll be back and flashes Aran a smile before leaving him to catch up. 

It’s only when they’re huddled together to keep warm from the wind does Koushi say something. 

“You know,” he starts. “You’re like an open book. It’s easy to see when you’re spiraling in your thoughts.” 

___________________________

It’s late on a Tuesday night the first time Aran reaches out to Koushi for this reason in particular. They exchanged numbers months ago, on that first night that they met, and have spoken every day since then. Just thinking of it makes Aran blush. 

But, it’s inching closer to midnight and if he reaches out to Koushi now it’ll seem like a booty call even with them in different prefectures. Or even worse, the other could be with someone and his call goes unnoticed. He would feel like an idiot if that happened - not that they were even a _thing_ , but Aran knows himself enough to know when he’s starting to feel that way towards someone and he’s definitely feeling that way towards Koushi.

He’s starting to think that relying on Koushi for these last few months has been a mistake, that he thinks more of their friendship than the other does, that any of the flirting from the gray-haired man is just his personality and not something meant only for Aran. 

He’s spiraling again and knows it. The only thing that’s changed is the object of his thoughts.

Aran does the one thing he knows will help him feel better and opens his conversation with Koushi. The last message in their chat is an eagle sticker with hearts dancing around it and an apology that they don’t have falcon stickers. It makes him smile as his fingers dance across the screen. 

**From: Aran**

_Hey, are u busy rn?_

The word delivered changes to read seconds after it’s sent and Aran sighs. Maybe it was a bad idea after all to text him; he’s got to have better things to do this late on a Tuesday night. His fingers are already on the lock button and has resigned himself to a night spent alone when the others name flashes across his screen. The phone is barely to his ear when a voice comes through the phone.

“That was a dirty trick,” Koushi starts. “Even if I was busy you know I would answer for you, Aran.”

Warmth washes over him at such simple words and for a moment, he lets himself bask in them before remembering that he actually has to say something back. 

“Yeah, I know. But, I figured it didn’t hurt to ask ya that.” 

___________________________

Koushi never gives Aran the chance to hide behind a smile when he’s on the edge of slipping into his mind. If anything, he pokes and prodes at Aran until he lets one thought slip from those lips and he pounces. 

And when the other thoughts follow that first one, he lets Aran say as much as he can without stopping. He runs his fingers over his head, his ears, his neck, down to his shoulders then back again as the words leave him. It helps calm his breathing, helps center him enough to stop his hands from shaking. 

Koushi waits until his boyfriend is calm enough before speaking, something that Aran is forever grateful for. He whispers affirmations, little truths about how proud he is, how hard he’s worked, how much he deserves to live out his dream. Aran knows he’s only telling him things that he already knows, but the way that dance around his mind make him feel better.

They find themselves sitting like this often and embraced for so long that neither can where one ends and the other starts. Aran wonders how he managed to get lucky enough to meet Koushi, wonders what good did he did in a past life in order to be showered in the others comforting words. 

“I believe in you,” Koushi whispers, and it wraps around them like it’s meant to protect them from whatever might interrupt them. 

“Thank you,” Aran whispers back, lips brushing against the others a moment before he connects them. 

___________________________

They’re in two different timezones, two different countries when Aran finds himself clutching onto the phone in his hands. 

Being on the national team has been his goal since he can remember. He’s spent his entire life to get to this moment, to play on the national stage and make a name for himself. He has worked far too long and far too hard not to achieve his dreams now. 

But right now, at this moment, he’s calling the one person that can act as a tether for him before his mind can tell him that everything he’s done up until this moment has been for naught. He’s alone in his hotel room, but that doesn’t matter when the voice on the other side of the phone is telling him stories of his students, of what he bought at the grocery store, of what new, spicy dish he’ll make Aran try when he’s back in Japan. 

The voice on the other side of the phone knows exactly how to coax the walls around his mind into opening in due time and Aran reminds himself to thank Koushi when they’re reunited. 

“Hey, are you listening?” 

“Yeah, sorry.” Aran blinks back a few tears that threaten to spill. “You were talking about how you ran into Samu while out on a field trip. He treated all of ya, right? Otherwise, I’ll have to talk to him when I’m back.” 

The laughter that floats through the speaker manages to make the corners of his lips curl. _God_ , does he miss that voice. 

“He said, and this is a direct quote, that if he didn’t treat us you would show up and kick his ass.” 

This is enough, he thinks, this can hold him over until he’s back in Japan and can hide his tears in Koushi’s sweater like he usually does. 

“Aran,” he says. “I know it’s late there.” 

And just like that, Aran knows he’s been found out. Not that he was trying to hide the reason behind his call, but Koushi indulged him for the first half hour of their call and he thought that maybe, _just maybe_ , he’d get away with it this once. 

But Koushi has always been able to see through his facade, has always been able to pinpoint the exact moment that Aran is willing to tell him. It’s one of the things he loves best about the other. 

“I’m sorry,” he starts. “I know ya have to work today—”

“Aran,” Koushi cuts him off. “I love you, but you really are dense if you think I’m not going to sit here and listen to whatever you’ll tell me.” 

“I know,” he sighs, runs a hand over his face. He knew this before he even pressed the little green call button. “Thank you.” 

For now, this is enough. He can sit in this bathtub and let the tears fall while Koushi listens and waits to say something. For now, he allows his spiraling to stop for just long enough that he hears Koushi reassure him of his place on the team, in their lives, in the world. He listens as the voice on the other side of the phone seeps into his mind and calms the fire that’s burning through it. 

This is the moment that has been built up over the course of years and Aran knows what he needs to do next. 

___________________________

Aran can tell that Koushi knows that something is up. This is the only time he’s been annoyed at how easily the other can read him. Every time they’re in the same room his nerves get the better of him and he promptly leaves, claiming that he forgot something in another room. 

So it’s safe to say his plan is causing more problems than anything. 

  
  
  


Koushi sighs, a smile playing at his lips. “I’m not going to force you to tell me. But, you know I’ll listen when you want to talk about it.” 

He feels the weight of the box in his pocket, feels the weight of Koushis words wash over him like they always do. Even now, with his thoughts trying to ruin the very moment he’s worked so hard to perfect, this love of his is comforting him. 

This person and these words that have spent years being repeated more times than he can remember to drown out any other thoughts that try to tell him he’s wrong. He lets go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

Aran reaches out for one of Koushis hands and laces them together. 

“Thank you.” 

___________________________

Aran takes his place on the court, inhaling for five seconds then holding for five more, and exhaling. He glances at the crowd one last time, finding Koushi within seconds this time. The same bright smile is on his mouth as he mouths something only meant for Aran to know. 

_I believe in you._

Aran mouths back, _Thank you._

He turns back to the court and breathes. The weight of the ring beneath his jersey acting as a tether to the court, to Koushi and grounding him before that first whistle.

**Author's Note:**

> being the first fic in a tag for a very specific pairing is the most nerve-wracking thing i've ever done but here we are!!! feel free to follow me on [twt](https://twitter.com/sunasimps) to scream about rarepairs


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